New Year's Eve has to be one of the biggest nights in anyone's party calendar, but actually - it's probably going to suck. Here are seven reasons why....
1 - You'll queue for ages to get in to the club...
...'cos in your head, it's all going off in that place....
...but in reality.
2 - Fellas, you might think you're getting laid at that party tonight....
....but let's be honest, it's going to be a sausagefest...
...and ladies, you're probably out of luck too.
3 - You'll queue up at the bar for ages....
....while the rest of the world seems to get served first...
...and then it turns out they've jacked up the prices especially for the night.
4 - In your drunken stupor you'll think you're the best thing ever to hit the dancefloor...
....but the video evidence on Facebook tomorrow might suggest otherwise.
5 - Sometime after midnight, you'll feel the drunken urge to call everyone you know, everywhere in the world....
....and then you'll check your phone bill the next day.
6 - Finally, the taxi home will bitchslap you everywhere, financially speaking.
7 - So the year will end with fun and frollicking....
...and begin with a hangover and self loathing.
Our advice? Just stay in and watch cat videos all night instead.
Much more fun.
ANYWAY ENJOY YOURSELVES, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! x
words by Boring McOldBastard.